Cold, So Cold
by DanDoubleL
Summary: Wounds heal, both literally and metaphorically. For Juvia, however, one scar just won't fade, but it might just show her all the other ways she's healed. / Rated T for mild language and very mild descriptions of medical conditions. SPOILERS for Fairy Tail ch. 498 .


**A/N: Howdy, and merry Christmas! This was written for JuviaFullbusterFT for the Fairy Tail fic exchange hosted by Rivendell101 over on Tumblr. It felt good to finally get a piece done, especially one this long- I expected the final product to be half this length when I originally had the idea! Without further ado, enjoy!**

 **WARNING: Contains spoilers for Fairy Tail chapter 498 and beyond.**

* * *

 **Cold, So Cold**

 **By LockmanCapulet**

 **For JuviaFullbusterFT**

* * *

The shackle around her neck was quite literally suffocating, barely allowing her to breathe. It was cold, so cold, colder than anything she had ever felt. The skin on her neck, shoulders, back and chin all stung, as every miniscule shift and motion she made brought her icy confinement into contact with more of herself. It was cold, so cold, yet it numbed her skin at the same time. All at once, she felt like she was freezing, burning, and feeling nothing at all.

Juvia's eyes fell upon the chain link just below her chin. Following it, she locked eyes with Gray, who stood only feet in front of her yet seemed so incredibly far away. He too had a shackle around his neck, and Juvia could tell from the look on his face that he was attempting to determine just what it was that currently bound them both.

"This is Ice Lock," the wizard of Alvarez standing before them explained. "A magic that seals the targets' hearts and makes them my willing puppets…"

Invel continued his monologue, but Juvia was hardly aware of it. She could already feel the effects of the shackle's control, driving all thoughts from her mind but an artificial desire to end her beloved's life.

Juvia was scared as she would be had she not known what was coming, yet she moved as though the scene had been rehearsed dozens of times already. She somehow knew that this was not how events had truly proceeded—in reality, she and Gray had fought briefly while attempting to fight the shackles' influence—but it was as though Juvia was watching from outside the scene, as though she were the audience to a cruel recreation of one of the worst moments of her life.

Juvia—or perhaps more accurately, the Juvia currently chained to Gray—raised her arm without hesitation, forming a razor-sharp blade of water…

And stabbed herself clean through, a small scream escaping her lips as she did.

In the same instant, Gray did the same with a blade of ice.

Again, events proceeded in a way that felt somehow wrong, like reading the pages of a book out-of-order. Both Gray and Juvia fell to their knees, blood gushing from their wounds all over their tattered clothes.

With drawn-out breaths, as though a blade hadn't just been run through her lungs, Juvia screamed, "Gray-sama!... This… this cannot be...!"

That brief moment seemed to last an eternity, as both Juvia and Gray watched the most important person in their lives bleed out into the snow.

Gasping for breath, Gray muttered, "Why… did you go and do… something stupid like that… Juvia…. Juvia!... JUVIA!"

She woke with a start to the sound of her own name being repeated by the man sitting up beside her in bed, who himself had woken to find her tossing and turning and crying out in her sleep. Screaming, Juvia shot up, clutching at Gray's shoulder with one hand and at her left side with the other.

"Juvia… Juvia! It's okay! I'm here! I'm here!" Gray did his best to calm her down, putting his arms around Juvia and pulling her into a tight embrace.

As soon as the initial shock faded, tears began to well in Juvia's eyes—it was all she could do to keep herself from crying. "Gray-kun, I—Juvia can't…." She could barely form the words.

Gray pulled back from their embrace, cupping his fiancée's cheeks in his hands. He couldn't help but smile and her warmth. "Juvia, it's okay, it was just a dream," he whispered. "Whatever it was, it can't hurt you now. You're safe here."

Juvia raised her left hand, placing it over Gray's right on her cheek. Feeling his engagement ring on his hand, as well as stroking her own on her other hand with her thumb, she smiled, pressing her forehead to Gray's. "Thank you, Gray-kun…" She glanced down at Gray's shirtless abdomen, the deep scar still prominent in the dim light of the moon through their bedroom window. _…but nothing was hurting me_ , she thought. _I was hurting you._

Gray noticed the way Juvia still clutched at her side where she had run herself through, but chose not mention it. He kissed her on her forehead, then laid back down with her, pulling the covers back over them both. Holding each other close, they both soon fell asleep to the calming nature of each other's presence.

* * *

"So… what exactly is the problem?" Wendy asked.

"That's just it. I don't actually know," Gray replied with a defeated tone.

The night Juvia had woken up screaming wasn't an isolated incident. Every night for the next three days, Gray had to calm her down after she had apparently similar nightmares. After the third incident, Gray became worried enough to press Juvia for answers, but she insisted that everything was fine, so Gray had decided to take his concerns to the best medical wizard he knew.

Now that the dust had settled from the Alvarez invasion, everyone in Fiore was working to bring their lives back to some form of normalcy. Wendy, for her part, had recently set up her own small but well-equipped private medical practice in a building adjacent to the reconstructed Fairy Tail guild hall. She was happy to allow Gray a consultation despite his lack of an appointment, though he found it odd when she agreed to hear him out using that particular phrasing.

Once he and Wendy were seated Gray did his best to describe Juvia's current condition. "Three nights in a row now, I've woken up to find Juvia tossing and turning. I try to hold her still and call to her—gently, of course—to wake her up, and it works, but she's always really shaken."

"I have some medication that can help with bad dreams, let me grab some for her," Wendy said, standing up and walking to a nearby cabinet. Opening it and searching through its contents, she asked, "Is there anything else?"

Gray continued, "This has been happening for a few weeks now, but during the day, I'll catch her feeling at her scar from where she… where she was stabbed," he said, hesitating briefly when recalling such a painful moment, "or staring at mine," he finished, patting himself on the abdomen where his scar was located under his shirt.

Wendy sat back down, placing a small bottle of pills on the low table between herself and Gray. "Do you think… her nightmares are of Invel? She told me about what he did to you… Sorry if that's a touchy subject, but I'm just considering all the possibilities."

"It's fine, what's important is helping Juvia. And I do think that could be the case, now that you mention it." Gray paused before continuing. "Say, Wendy… is there a way to get rid of scars for good?"

Wendy was surprised at this request. "…I think I already know the answer, but why do you ask?"

"I've been thinking about this for a while now. Being mind-controlled and forced to fight your best friend to the death… killing yourself just to stop yourself from hurting the person you love… watching that person die right in front of you… that was the worst experience of my life, Wendy. And I'm sure Juvia feels the same. And every waking moment, every time either of us changes clothes or winds up stripping, there's a glaring reminder for the both of us. Why _wouldn't_ I want that gone?"

Thinking on it for a moment, Wendy finally replied, "Gray, I understand where you're coming from, I really do. But what you're asking isn't really possible, I'm afraid. But scars will fade over time, both literally and metaphorically in this case." She gave Gray a compassionate smile.

"For now, let Juvia try this, if she wants it," Wendy continued, turning her attention to the pill bottle on the table. "I made this medication myself. It's essentially a sleep aid with a little something extra mixed in. She can take it right before bed, or if she wakes up in the middle of the night. But don't have more than one pill per night. Most of my patients tell me that they've never had a nightmare when using it!"

Gray stood, picking up the bottle Wendy had set out. "I got it, thanks. How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house. Let me know if Juvia's condition worsens, though."

After thanking her and exchanging goodbyes, Gray left, feeling a good deal better than he had before arriving.

* * *

Gray spent the short walk home mentally preparing himself for the discussion with Juvia about the medicine. Upon arriving at their shared house, he casually unlocked the door and entered, carefully setting the pill bottle on a table by the door. "Juvia? I'm home. There's something I want to talk to you about," he called.

"Gray-kun, Juvia is…" he heard Juvia moan from the living room. He quickened his pace, concerned by the hoarseness of her voice, and broke into a full run when he heard an awful retching sound followed by a dull _thud_.

Gray found Juvia on the floor, unmoving, with vomit training from her mouth.

"Oh—oh God!" Gray shrieked, falling to his knees and pulling Juvia into his arms. "Juvia! JUVIA! Stay with me!" He recalled basic first aid he had learned at some point, ripping off his shirt in seconds to wipe Juvia's face and clean any remaining bile from her mouth to prevent her from choking.

Confirming that her airway was clear and that her breathing was steady (if alarmingly slow), he felt her forehead, which was cold, so cold. It reminded him of a sensation of cold that he had felt only once before.

Gray had heard of stories where people's memories became a blur in times of panic like this, but his own mind was crystal clear and focused on what he needed to do to save his fiancée. Scooping Juvia into his arms, he sprinted to Wendy's office, which was the closest place he knew of that was equipped for emergency treatment.

Kicking open the door due to his arms being full, Gray shouted, "WENDY! Juvia needs help!"

Wendy had been startled by the sudden commotion in her office, but immediately set down the basket of supplies she had been carrying, called over two of her assistants, and began checking Juvia's vitals once she had directed Gray in placing her on a cot. "Tell me everything that happened."

Gray quickly explained that he had found her throwing up and collapsed, and how he had cleared her airway before rushing her in for treatment. Seeing that he was shaken, Wendy guided Gray to a stool a few feet away from where Juvia laid and instructed him to sit.

Wendy's assistants, who had finished preparing the station for surgery, took positions on either side of Juvia's cot. Wendy stood beside the woman on Juvia's left, and both of them held out a hand toward the man standing opposite them. "Balthas, if you would."

Balthas nodded, holding a hand above each of the womens'. He cast a spell, which Gray recognized as Sensory Link by the pink bands that appeared on Wendy's and her assistant's wrists.

Wendy then held both hands above Juvia, glancing at the assistant to her right. "Ready when you are, Misé."

"Go ahead," Misé replied, conjuring what appeared to be an Archive console. At the same time, Wendy's hands began to glow with a mint green aura.

Balthas moved closer to Gray so that he could speak without disturbing the women, who both appeared to be concentrating deeply. He explained, "This is a diagnosis technique Wendy and Ms. Misé developed. Wendy uses a variation of her healing magic, which allows her to sense the minute details of the patient's current state of health. The Sensory Link transmits that information directly to Ms. Misé's Archive, which she's programmed to compare the data against samples gathered from healthy volunteers. Whatever's ailing her, we'll find it, I promise you that."

Gray watched the procedure with a mix of lingering fear for Juvia's safety and awe over the skill and competency of the hands she was now in.

"Wendy, I think I've got it," Misé suddenly announced. As she, Balthas, and Wendy all examined the Archive readout, Gray could tell from their discussion that they had found what was wrong, but were unsure about some factor that he couldn't ascertain. Wendy seemed to be explaining the nature of Juvia's Water Body condition to her aides.

Suddenly, Juvia's unconscious form began coughing, and it was clear that she was about to throw up again. Wendy and Balthas helped to gently turn her on her side while Misé held an emesis basin just below Juvia's mouth.

Misé, after toweling Juvia's face clean, suggested, "Wendy, do you think this could be her magic attempting to filter out the toxins?"

"Toxins?! Was—was she poisoned?!" Gray demanded.

Wendy placed a hand on his shoulder. "No, nothing like that, Gray," she reassured him, then answered Misé, "I think you're absolutely right."

Balthas asked, "Can we operate while her passive magic is in effect?"

"We should be able to. Her Water Body won't reject our instruments; she typically has to consciously trigger that sort of effect." Wendy replied, then looked back at Gray. "Gray, listen. We need to perform surgery on Juvia. Since you're her closest family present, I need your permission to do it."

Gray grasped her hand in his. "Please… do anything— _everything_ you can. Save her. I beg of you."

* * *

Thanks to the skill of the three doctors and Wendy's incredible healing magic, Juvia's surgery lasted only a few hours, though naturally they were agonizingly long to Gray.

His fears were fortunately assuaged by frequent updates on Juvia's status from Misé and Balthas, though their reports mainly maintained that Juvia's condition was stabilizing and that Wendy was still operating. One of the two doctors had sent word to Fairy Tail as soon as they were able, and Gray received comforting visits from Lucy, Natsu, Erza, and all the rest. Even tough-as-the-nails-he-eats Gajeel charged into the waiting room as soon as he got the news, his panic obvious on his face. None aside from Gray, however, were permitted beyond the waiting room, mainly due to the limited space in the ward. Gajeel made himself an exception to this, claiming to be Juvia's only brother just to get Balthas to let him through.

After the surgery was pronounced completed and Juvia confirmed to be alive and well, the relieved visitors began to file out of the building, eventually leaving only Gajeel and Gray, both of whom now sat on either side of the still-unconscious Juvia.

Misé and Wendy were performing another "sensory diagnosis", and after confirming that Juvia's vitals were stable, Wendy excused Misé and Balthas for the night, leaving herself alone to inform the men that Juvia would likely be awake and conscious the next day.

"We've given her some strong painkillers and antibiotics. With enough rest, she'll be fine, but it'd be best to keep her here for a few days so we can make sure we've completely removed the infection."

"Wendy, I… thank you. Please, tell me, what even _happened_ to her?!" Gray asked.

Wendy sat on an open stool next to Gray, explaining, "When she received her injury during the war with Alvarez, a shard of bone from one of her ribs broke off and never properly healed. Sometime in the past few days, that shard punctured her intestine—likely due to some sort of physical activity. It could have been anything, really. A brisk walk, bending over to pick something up, a rough night in bed—" Wendy listed the last item half-jokingly without thinking, immediately regretting it.

Gray felt a death stare directed at him from across the cot, and turned to find Gajeel staring at him with a look somewhere between rage, disgust, and exasperation. "We—we haven't even done anything like that! Juvia wants to wait 'til we're married," Gray stammered, immediately regretting providing too much information. Gajeel's face contorted a notch or two further toward "exasperation".

Wendy attempted to get the conversation back on track. "Anyway, this puncture led to a condition called sepsis in multiple parts of her body—to put it simply, a form of infection." She paused to let Gray process the information. "We had to remove all the infected tissue we possibly could. Thankfully, one of her kidneys was the only severely infected organ, and we only had to remove part of it."

"I'm guessin' the infection is why she puked before passin' out?" Gajeel asked.

"Actually, I don't think so," said Wendy. "At least, not exactly. This is the incredible part- normally the symptoms of sepsis appear within a day. Juvia made it for _three_ before displaying the more severe symptoms. I think that her magic was able to partially flush the infection out, and her nausea was a result of her body attempting to do so faster as the infection worsened."

Gray smiled slightly, taking his sleeping fiancée's hand. "That's my Juvia. She's a fighter."

Wendy giggled. "As a matter of fact, being able to target and filter infection out of her body like that… I misdiagnosed that bit. It wasn't Water Body. If anything, based on the way her blood cells and immune system worked to force out the toxins, I'd guess that's a side effect of her developing her blood transfusion magic. Which, as she's told me, she made with you in mind, Gray."

Gray looked at Wendy in surprise. "You mean…"

Wendy nodded. "Her love for you is what saved her."

* * *

Juvia awoke early the next morning. She was confused at first as to where she was, but was relieved to recognize her surroundings as Wendy's medical office. Judging by the sunlight illuminating the room through the window, it was shortly after dawn, and barring an intermittent snore that was unmistakably Gajeel's resounding from the waiting room every few seconds, the building was appropriately quiet.

Suddenly noticing right hand, Juvia turned her head to find Gray, who had fallen asleep in a chair next to Juvia's cot, still clutching her hand in his. Her slight movement was enough to stir him awake, and he opened his eyes to find Juvia smiling warmly at him, fully conscious and, most importantly, alive.

"Juvia, I…" Gray could hardly form words. He reached up to stroke his fiancée's cheek. "How're you feeling?"

"Juvia's—" Juvia winced as she attempted to shift herself in bed. "Juvia's side is a little sore, but her inside hurts something awful… especially…" she shut her eyes tightly as she winced again.

"Take it easy, you just had surgery. Here, Wendy told me to give you this when you woke up." He took a pill and a glass of water from the table beside Juvia's cot and helped her swallow the medicine. "That should kick in soon and ease the pain some. It's no wonder it hurts, you had to have part of your kidney taken out…" Gray explained the gist of what Wendy had told him the previous afternoon regarding the bone shard, the sepsis, and her operation. "Wendy also said you should try to move as little as possible. Her healing magic patched up your skin and incision wounds, but you're going to feel weak and sore inside for several days."

Juvia was quiet for several minutes after this. Finally, she spoke up, saying, "Gray-kun, Juvia is… Juvia is so sorry…"

Gray was baffled. "What on Earthland are you apologizing for? You haven't done anything wrong, no one could have seen this coming."

Her face reflecting her tone of desperation, Juvia explained, "But Juvia should have! Juvia has been feeling this pain in her scar for days, because Juvia's nightmares have been about the same moment, over and over—the moment when Gray-kun nearly killed himself to save Juvia! All because Juvia couldn't fight the Ice Lock's control in time! Juvia knows what happened to Gray-kun after he took down Invel… all that pain, and anger… and now Juvia's gone and scared you again—"

Gray took Juvia's hand in his again, though Juvia couldn't bring herself to look Gray in the eyes. In the gentlest tone he could muster, Gray said, "Juvia, listen to me. None of that is your fault. That bastard Invel did that to us. You almost died—you almost _gave your own life_ —to save me. You _did_ save me with the last of your strength and your own blood. When I saw you again, I was so relieved, and you know why?" Juvia finally looked Gray in the eyes as he continued, "I was so happy to see you alive because it meant you hadn't died just to save my sorry ass."

Juvia gasped. "What do you mean?"

Gray didn't stop—the floodgates had opened. Tears welled in his eyes as he explained, "When I thought I had lost you, I was gone. I was so driven by hate that I nearly killed Natsu in my blind rage. But ever since you came to Fairy Tail, you've lived for the ones you love—Meredy told me about that line," he added with a smirk.

Juvia blushed slightly at her one-liner being repeated to her. Gray continued, "You've saved me, and others in so many different ways, so many times. You let yourself get hit by a thunder lacrima rather than lay a finger on Cana, who you barely knew at the time. You saved mine, yours, and Meredy's lives on Tenrou Island through the strength of your love. And now that love has saved you too." Before Juvia could ask, Gray elaborated, "Wendy said that your infection started a few days ago, and that you made it so long because your body was able to filter out so much of the toxin. That ability is a result of you developing your blood transfusion magic."

Juvia was bewildered at this news. With a chuckle, she added, "Not to brag, but Juvia _is_ rather proud of her magic."

Gray chuckled as well. "I'm proud of you too. And grateful. Your talent—and love—has saved both of us from the wounds we gave ourselves. So please… don't let that scar bother you anymore."

Juvia shook her head what little she could. "Juvia won't. Our scars aren't marks of what we lost, but of how we saved each other."

Gray smiled and kissed the back of Juvia's hand. "I love you."

"Juvia loves you too."

"You know, a lot of what we just said would be great for our wedding vows," Gray joked. "I hope I can remember it all."

Juvia's laugh at this was the most beautiful sound Gray had ever heard. "Juvia won't forget any of it."

Gray's grip on Juvia's hand was light, but she could still feel the chill he gave off. It was cold, so cold.

But Juvia loved the cold.

* * *

 **Thanks so much for reading!**


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